Chief Among Sinners

      Paul said, in 1 Timothy 1:15, that he was the "chief among sinners", the worse of all sinners. Many years ago I wrestled with why Paul, of ALL people said such a thing. I thought, "Yeah sure, he's a sinner...but the CHIEF? What about all the OTHER people that just did horrible things; murder, rape, abuse, etc..." The Lord showed me what that meant soon after I began asking. And recently, in the past 6 months, God has been showing it to me in deeper ways. So I will explain why I believe Paul says this.


Paul is a sinner. Yes, he is redeemed. But he is a redeemed sinner. When God looks upon Paul, yes He sees His Son's righteousness and perfection, but Paul is still a sinner. He is still VERY human. Just as human as before he was saved. Now first let me say, that I am not saying that because Paul was redeemed and that God saw him as Jesus that he can just continue living "in sin". So just know that I'm not saying that, okay? Alright...anyway. Paul says he is the worst of all sinners. He says this AFTER he is saved. He didn't say it BEFORE he knew Christ, but after. Why? Paul knows his heart. Obviously, he doesn't know the depth of his sinful heart because if so, he would be utterly crushed and killed by it, but he knows it to a certain degree. Paul doesn't know the hearts of other's. He doesn't. He can't know that...he's not God. Paul can't judge or say what is in other's hearts because he does not know. But he DOES know his OWN heart. You see, God has been showing me over the past several months that I AM the chief among sinners. He is showing me my heart more and more. I don't and can't know what is in another person's heart, only what is in my own. So therefore I cannot claim that I am "better" of a person/christian if I can't see /know another person's heart. But oh, how often do we look at what is "wrong" and sinful in someone else's life?

"Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" -Matthew 7:3.

       We do this ALL the time. As God is showing me the depth of my sinful heart, it is honestly by His grace. By His grace alone he is showing me my sinful heart. And you know what? I am so thankful. Why?
1. I see that I have NO good apart from my Lord (Ps. 16:2).
2. As I see my heart/sin, the cross become much bigger in my life. How so? Because I begin to see how much more of a sacrifice Jesus gave on my behalf. It is astounding! It is HUMBLING.


There is a saying...I'm not sure who said it or where it comes from, but if you ever come to my church you will quickly hear it (or a variation of it):

 "Cheer up! You are a lot worse than you think, BUT in Christ more loved than you ever dared hope!"

 [Side note: 'BUT' I think is one of the most powerful words in the entire Bible. Check out Ephesians 2:4]

Seriously friends, can you grab a hold of this? Paul understood the Gospel unlike any person I have ever known or read about. He got it! Why? Because He knew the depth of his sin and the great mercy and love of the God of the universe. Another thing to think about. Just imagine with me. If we had this mind set of "being the chief among sinners" how would that change the way we interact with people? How would that change the way we love them? My goodness...it would drastically change!!! We would begin to truly love people. We would begin to love them with the Gospel; the Truth and Love of a Holy King. We would know the mercy, forgiveness and love of a Father that has forgiven the depth of our sin. We would then begin to see that, "Wow! If God can forgive ME, the worst of the worse, then how much more can I, by His grace alone, love and forgive others?" Sounds like this is..."manageable" right? Well, how about loving those that are hard to love? The socially awkward ones? The ones that make YOU feel extremely awkward? How about the ones that seem really prideful/arrogant? How about the murders? The rapists? OR...how about the ones that have wronged and sinned against you? Maybe the ones that persecute you...slander you...hmmm. "Yeah, God, I can't love THEM. I mean are you really asking me to love THEM. They've slandered my name and back stabbed me. They've basically ripped me to shreds and then just stomped all over what's left of me. You really are asking....TELLING... me to love them?"

God's response.... "Yes."

I ask, "But God, how on EARTH do I love them?"

My Father loving responds, "Camille, my daughter. Do you not remember what I have done for you? Take a look at your heart. Don't you see that you are still in desperate, daily, moment by moment in need of ME? Look at how I have loved and forgiven you. Even more, take a look at how my Son was treated, right before He died for you. And He was completely blameless. He was perfect, and yet was spat on, beaten, etc. And He still loved. He lives inside of you, which means that you can love just like that. No, you're not going to be perfect at it, but you can take that step of loving them by forgiving them and extending grace."

Seeing what my Father and Savior have done for me, how can I NOT forgive and love? As I see the depth of my sinful heart, how can I NOT extend grace, knowing that I don't know their hearts, but I do know my own. I know that I am far worse than any other being. I am the chief among sinners. The worst of the worse. Yet in seeing that, I am truly humbled by believing that I am loved deeper and purer and perfectly loved than anything I could ever dare hope for. "Thank You, Holy One for Your great love. For loving me so much that You died for a wretch like me."